feelin fell on the felon

a slight bubbly burn in my chest. a caffeinated glory hole

people popping thru left and right

i feel them watching me, feathery gazes,

i turn my head to lick up their attention. twitchy, witchy

in a new city again

where the trees don’t sprout branches until halfway up

like i didn’t sprout wings til halfway through my life

first i learned to walk and talk

then i learned to see

i’m only dead when i stop reading

whats in me and around me

unfolding

de-molding the brain-tracks

cracking the code

leaving it dead on the road

merging with its ghost

which is feeling

 

uncouth maybe

still tastes like truth

 

 

 

passing thru the ether in a van

chipped nail polish lavender silver bits in my hair along with bits of moss and unidentified mixtures of gunk from under my nails

a greenish hue around my thumb from the 75cent fake copper ring i bought from the african retail traders

a beaded blue anklet cutting into my flesh a slight mold

black fuzzy balls hanging from angel’s red coat

pretty babies in the desert no longer

driving upward uncertain of the playout of the next few months

without a home without a certain bond

money nearly gone i wonder how broke will taste to a moth who’s always just been able to float by

not sure how i feel not sure how he feels but when he feels it i feel it and we feel

it so it’s ok for the day til the night when loss of sight seems to take it’s toll on the brainwaves

tapering downwards

not certain of the way i am headed

but i cant say i’m full of dread either just passing through the ether

 

inked; black

dad once said if i ever got a tattoo he would leave the country

why should i explain the allure of permanence

in a 

blink and it’s gone world

xxx

what i see in a pool of black:

immersion 

the void, complete and endless

unashamed

to be with me 

to be seen caressing vulnerable parts of me

holding me closer than reds oranges and blues do

representing nothing

wanting for nothing

the end all be all of color

of dis-ease

of deep sea secrets

of the spaces in between

xxx

my skin is black

to most

but i know

few are blessed with that hue that so directly speaks of the night

that which deceives

if everything i ever wanted or needed could be condensed into a single pill

would i take it?

can you find love in

lithium bicarbonate?

(like a jackhammer to my brain)

i cultivate love with my breath

which does not deceive

in my body are boundless oceans

that command i sway 

directly from my hips

that i glisten

glide

heed my own tides

so i move with my hips

and i dip when I dip 

i roll when i roll

no taxes no tolls

keep going

keep rolling 

my tongue and my lips

roll my eyes

no disguise

i smell truth from a lie

and i stop asking why

learn to move with my hips

love the dips

turning tits

feed the burn

see you churn

not my problem

i mind oceans

Mom, a sofabed, and a hotel in the gaslamp the night before graduation

your smile is like a dentist’s waiting room, it fills me with unease, it reeks of antiseptic wash, and your pearly whites are entirely showcased

your eyes twinkle,

he’s my bitch

you say, he’ll sleep on the floor tonight

and you, Princess, may have the sofabed

and remember to sleep by eleven,

your grin never fades

but A) i’m not tired yet

and B) this sofabed is large enough for the two of us

but seeing as you’ve already set the cushions on the floor for dad, thoughtful considering tomorrow is father’s day, i sit down on them to stretch

and when i’m done and enjoying the pillows against my spine you inquire why i’m not enjoying the sofabed instead

and auntie on the bed with you beseeches you leave me be and we turn off the lights

and we hear you moaning with your tense speaking equipment

as you try to fall asleep

i wonder what lulls you to bed

I Dare You To Love Yourself

I dare you to love yourself more than you hate the flab under your arms

I dare you to love yourself more than you hate going to work

I dare you to love yourself after eating more sandwiches than you should have

I dare you to love yourself despite that one time you puked on someone you love

I dare you to love yourself despite every bad outfit you have ever worn

I dare you to love yourself the next time you hate yourself

I dare you to love yourself more than all the stars combined

I dare you to love yourself with the passion of a rainstorm

I dare you to love yourself like a sweet, sweet melody

I dare you to love yourself like the birds love their own voice

I dare you to love yourself like I need you to

I dare you to love yourself like there’s nothing else that exists

I dare you to love yourself like your mama loves you

I dare you to love yourself if your mama doesn’t love you

I dare you to love yourself like nothing else matters

I dare you to love yourself like you wouldn’t be sleeping otherwise

I dare you to love yourself like a monster loves its cave

I dare you to love yourself monsters and all

I dare you to love yourself whether you feel big or small

I dare you to love yourself throughout all the seasons

I dare you to love yourself without reason

I dare you to love yourself like a tree loves its roots

I dare you to love yourself like a liar hates the truth

I dare you to love yourself like you can fly if you want to

I dare you to love yourself so much its creepy

I dare you to love yourself so much its obnoxious

I dare you to love yourself to the point of no return

I dare you to love yourself all the way to Saturn and back

I dare you to love yourself without regret or tact

I dare you to love yourself so hard I need sunglasses